Emotional Maturity: It Gets Better With Age

If you believe people develop emotional maturity at age 18, you might want to reconsider that notion, according to a study on how human brains develop.

The human prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until around the age of 25.  Sandra Aamodt, a neuroscientist, states the changes that occur in the brain between puberty and full adulthood are only about halfway completed by the age of 18 (which is the age when one is legally considered an adult in most states).

It gives credence to the notion that today’s adolescent and young adults lack a certain level of emotional maturity. Despite the increase in the quality and amount of information available to them, young people appear incapable of possessing and displaying intellectual smarts and full emotional maturity at the same time. For example, a highly intelligent 14 year-old may attend classes at a college campus, but cannot handle social-emotional engagements of his or her fellow college classmates.

A study published by Dr. Benjamin Selder and his associates in the journal Social, Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience suggests that people attain full emotional maturity at age 60 and beyond. Older adults tend to have more empathy and are able to connect and deal directly with stressful situations in comparison to younger individuals.  In addition, older adults tend to look for the silver lining in bad circumstances. Younger  people, on the other hand, are less inclined to do so, and instead, sought out distractions..

In sum, as we grow older, the accumulation of life experiences makes us emotionally stronger and empathetic, better able to deal with difficult emotional situations, and gives us the ability to comfort others.

Some things do get better with age.

The Easiest Way to Overcome Stress: Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself

 

At some point, we all fall victim to dragging our feet, unrelenting fatigue or perpetual weariness.  Stress is our body’s reaction to challenging situations and becomes harmful when it is prolonged. We become exhausted when the body quits seeking solutions and looks toward defeat. When this happens, stress can result in physical symptoms such as a weakened immune system, digestive problems, high blood pressure and heart disease, among others.

It’s important to knowledge the principal cause of that stress, known as a stressor.  As Lancaster Occupational Health expert, Professor Cary Cooper suggests, you cannot solve a problem without first taking hold of the situation.  So the first step toward solution to everyday stress is self-compassion. In other words, being kind to yourself.

Self- Compassion

Negative stress often arises as a result of our mind’s fear that we are incapable of meeting up with some set goals or perceived milestones. To remove these particular stressors, you need to reduce these self-induced pressures. Often, we want to measure our achievements or successes against everyone else’s. We want to keep pushing ourselves despite achieving, and even surpassing the initial objectives. The need to be the perfect student, have the perfect marriage, the perfect hair, drop pounds more quickly.   This kind of thinking pushes people into a realm of discontent and a continuing need to engage in self-criticism.

A study of freshmen college students revealed one of the easiest ways of coping with stress is to avoid being hard on oneself. According to Dr. Katie Gunell, self-compassion was effective in coping with the stress of high expectations and transition from high school to college.

By accepting the fact that you are only human, and humans make mistakes, you can then be kinder to yourself and more forgiving of your errors and shortcomings.

Try some of these simple changes:

  • Treat each situation as unique and different. There’s no need to identify or compare each and every situation with prior experiences or someone else’s experience.
  • Don’t overthink. Cut yourself some slack.  Some things aren’t that hard; you just make it out to be.
  • Accept that mistakes happen and see them as part of a learning curve to get better at tackling other problems in life.
  • Treat yourself to something you love.  We all have a unique way to destress that works best for us.  Identify yours and indulge a little. It might be music, a book, sleep, movies, social media, hanging out with a  friend.
  • Don’t isolate yourself. Develop and nurture friendships, but avoid competitive people who put you down as they are unnecessary stressors.  Note that sometimes competitive people’s cues are subtle and indirect. They might slip in a comment because they feel bad about themselves and the only way to get a sense of relief is try to make you feel even worse. Remember it’s their own ineffective way of trying to cope with the need to be better.

Having compassion for yourself does not only help reduces your stress, but also helps develop an invigorating and optimistic perspective towards life, which can counteract depressive symptoms. So try loving yourself the way you are and being kind to yourself as one of your “go-to” strategies for combating stress.

The Best Way to Tame your Emotions

Many psychological issues can arise as a result of an inability to properly handle one’s emotions. Depression, anxiety, and short temperament, sudden emotional outbursts in inappropriate situations and places–just to name a few.  But to live a happy, balanced and fulfilled life, it is important to learn how to control your emotions.  Recent studies indicate flexibility is the key.

There is no one-size-fits-all in emotional situations. In the study led by Dr. Peter Koval, it was determined that the best levels of emotional health were found in people who altered their approach to fit each situation based on their ability to control the situation at hand.  In moments of limited control, they re-assessed the situation by taking a diverse approach to solving the problem.  However, in situations where there was better control over the outcome, their focus was toward that solution, and not the situation giving rise to it. This approach is referred to as the reappraisal method.

The ability to apply this method increased when the situation factor was diverted.  However, those in less than desirable surroundings (for example, poor environments) the approach is more difficult to exercise.

To tame your emotions, learn to change your focus when a situation is beyond your control. Avoid over-thinking,  internalizing, and focus your attention on what is within your control.

 

Why Some People Are Better at Controlling Their Emotions

The causes of stress, our reactions to them, and even our susceptibility to stress are unique to each of us.   Our ability to react to such stressors is what is often termed as emotional strength.

According to the Director of Yale Stress Center, Rata Sinha, who is also lead author in a study published in the Proceedings of National Academy of Science Journal, we all have different responses to stress, with some people appearing to be more persevering than others.

There have been debates on whether the emotional sensitivity is pre-determined, conditioned over time, based on one’s personality, or the situation in which they live and work. While we tend to associate emotional strength with someone who is also cold, stoic and unemotional,  there is evidence  that emotionally stability or strength actually may be in the genes.

There are three main parts of the brain– the upper, middle and lower brain, each with its own specific functions. The middle brain or mesencephalon has been associated with the ability to reason properly and rationally and associated with emotional strength.

Further research into gene-environment interactions has shed light on the possibility of genes being responsible the highly sensitive nature of certain individuals. According to an article in Psychology Today, neuroscientist researchers from the University of British Columbia and Cornell  University successfully associated the gene variation responsible for the generation of the neurotransmitter Norepinephrine, ‘ADRA2b’ as being responsible for people with more heightened sensitivity to their environment. This gene variation causes heightened activity in certain regions of the brain, which leads to highly intense emotional responses when viewing either very positive or highly negative images.

In a related study by Rachel Grazioplene and her colleagues,  the cholinergic system was determined to predictably track learning in certain environments. This study led to a conclusion that children of same socioeconomic backgrounds, in the same location, regardless of gender or age, reacted to certain situations based on their history of abuse. The children who had suffered abuse while growing up inadvertently learned to react with anxious and fearful responses as opposed to calmer, more open reactions by the non-abused companions.

Thus, while some people have better emotional control than others because of genetics, the impact of environmental factors cannot be overlooked.

Trends to Help Keep You Calm for the New Year

Photo by MARK ADRIANE on Unsplash

If you like to stay on top of the latest trends to keep you destressed, then you are going to love what’s in store this Year!

Mediation Apps

Meditation apps are already big and expected to grow even more in 2018.  They provide you with ways to destress and relax. There are apps for all age ranges, beginners to pros, and some will even connect you with a community of other mediators!

Sound Baths

Have you ever heard of a sound bath? Surrounding yourself in sounds, typically while you are lying on a Yoga mat, is what this practice is all about. It allows you to connect with yourself on a deeper level, and heal from the vibrations of the sounds.

Acroyoga

Although it has been around for a few years, acroyoga is on our watch list for 2018. It involves two people working together to combine yoga movements and acrobatics. It requires physical strength, focus, and determination, because you are balancing another individual with your body. Be sure are in good physical condition to try this one. If in doubt, check with your doctor first.

Floatation Therapy

Getting your mind clear and your thoughts straight can be difficult as you rush through your day. Going into a sensory deprivation chamber isn’t realistic for most of us, but floatation therapy is within your reach.  You can calm yourself in a tank of water, be cut off from the typical noises and chaos of the outside world, and heal your mind.

There are options for just about anyone. So make 2018 the year you are going be calmer and healthier!

 

Have Zucchini? Wanna Giveaway?

Do you have a veggie garden? Growing zucchinis?  Then if your yield is like mine, you have zucchinis coming from everywhere.  Here’s a solution:

August 8 is National Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day

So share with the neighbors and maybe give them a couple of recipes, too. Here are a few of my favorites –one for each category.

Except where I got carried away and basically have given you the entire recipe, just check out your favorite cooking site, like Health.com, Food.com, or Allrecipes.com, and find one with the added ingredients that appeal to you.

  • Appetizer:  Baked Zucchini with Parmesan cheese (Try making in an air fryer! Scrummy!)
  • Salad and Soups:  Add raw to salads; slice or cube and add a soup recipe.
  • Meat substitute:  Imitation crab cakes (Yes, that’s what I said, and totally vegan! My secret is a little “Old Bay” Avoid attempting to make the lump crab cake and they’ll turn out fine.)
  • Veggie:  Oh so many to choose from: Sauteed Sliced Zucchini with onions, a little olive oil and Parmesan cheese;  Cubed  with corn, cilantro, a little olive oil and lime; or cut into wedges and grill!
  • Dessert:  Zucchini Bread or Muffins!

Hmm….getting hungry.  What are your favorite zucchini recipes?

Five Things You Didn’t Know that Can Rob You of a Good Night’s Sleep

© Can Stock Photo / Massonforstock

Here you are again, tired after another restless night. You gave up spicy foods, impulsive trips to Starbucks and Happy Hour; reduced your stress and exercised more. You should be sleeping like a baby. Instead, you still feel sleep deprived.  Sleep quality is affected by a number of factors. Some are pretty straightforward, but a few may come as a surprise.  Here are five of them.

  1. Sleeping with your pets. Researchers at the Mayo Clinic Sleep Disorders Center found that 53% of people who sleep with their pets reported experiencing some form of sleep disturbance. Pets and humans have different wake and sleep cycles. Your dog’s penchant for hogging the bed and your cat’s determination to play with you at 2 a.m. may be more than enough to reduce the quality of your sleep.
  2. Electronic displays. Have you ever gotten out of your bed in the middle of the night to snuff out that little blue light on the electronic display? Why does it seem to light up the entire room at 2 o’clock in the morning?  Light sends a message to your brain that it is time to wake up. Melatonin is a naturally occurring hormone that is controlled by light exposure and it helps regulate your sleep-wake cycle. At night, your body churns out melatonin to make you sleepy; during the day, it slows production to keep you awake and alert. So, can that tiny little glow that’s great for helping you find your way to the bathroom be the culprit to ruining a great night’s sleep? Researchers at The Ohio State University seem to think so. They found even a small amount of light from a cell phone or computer is enough to disrupt the production of melatonin and your sleep.
  1. Using electronic devices. Ninety-five percent of people surveyed by the National Sleep Foundation reported using an electronic device such as a computer, video game, cell phone or TV within an hour before bed at least a few nights a week. Extended exposure to the light from these devices can disrupt the release of melatonin, which promotes sleep. It also stimulates your mind and keeps you awake.
  2. Smoking. Researchers at John Hopkins University School of Medicine found that smokers are four times more likely than nonsmokers to feel less rested after a night’s sleep. They attribute the nicotine in cigarettes, which acts as a stimulant, to smokers’ difficulties in falling sleep. They also think that smokers tend to experience nicotine withdrawal during the night, which further contributes to less restful sleep.
  3. Living your life in your bed. Activities such as eating meals and working in bed may make it harder for you to relax when you are finally ready to go to sleep. Only two things should come to mind when you go to bed at night: sleep and sex. Avoid living in your bed as if you’re going through your daily routine. Eventually your bedroom will become a strong visual cue for the two activities for which it was intended, one of which is a good night’s sleep.
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